intro
Navigating difficult conversations is a critical skill for supervisors. There are countless reasons a conversation could be considered “difficult”, including performance or behavioral issues, topic sensitivity and procedural or legal concerns. You may be hesitant to initiate or engage in difficult conversations due to a lack of knowledge, a previous negative experience or an anticipated impact on the working relationship. However it's important for you to understand that avoiding the situation is not only a disservice to the university, but also to the employee themselves. Though it may at times be uncomfortable, constructive communication is the foundation upon which a healthy supervisor-employee relationship is built.
You may impose disciplinary actions for reasons of taking corrective measures up to and including termination in the event an employee's performance is less than the reasonable standards of performance or if the employee's conduct is not in keeping with what is expected in the working environment of the university. Read the university’s policy for Conduct, Corrective Action, Dismissal for Cause.
In cases where the university has terminated the employment relationship under conditions specified in this section, the employee will have the right to appeal through the grievance process.
A Practical Framework for Difficult Conversations
From Bridgeline Coaching, Mastering Difficult Conversations
Start with Directness and Respect
When initiating or navigating difficult conversations, the temptation to ease into it with small talk is strong. Phrases like, “How are you?” or “How was your weekend?” seem polite, but they often have the opposite effect. The other person can sense the shift in tone coming, and these introductory pleasantries create an atmosphere of anxiety. This indirectness can feel inauthentic and put the other party on guard before the real conversation even begins.
A more effective strategy is to be direct and respectful from the very first sentence.
Try starting with this:
“Thank you for making time to talk to me.”
This opener is powerful. It is direct, eliminating the tension of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is also respectful, showing that you value the other person’s participation. It signals that you are about to have a focused and important discussion, creating a professional and serious atmosphere.
Lead with Collaboration, Not Confrontation
After the opening, your next sentence is critical. It determines whether the conversation will feel like a confrontation or a collaboration. The goal is to position yourself as a partner in solving a problem, not as an adversary delivering a verdict.
This simple shift in language can transform the entire dynamic of the interaction.
Consider using one of these collaborative sentences:
- “I need your help understanding how to move forward with this.”
- “I need your help knowing what to do about this situation.”
- “I need your help understanding your perspective on this.”
The phrase “I need your help” is a powerful tool in conflict resolution. It turns the dynamic from a one-way critique into a two-way exploration. You are no longer on opposite sides; you are sitting on the same side, looking at the problem together. This approach fosters psychological safety, making it more likely the other person will engage honestly.
Close with Openness, Not Finality
How a difficult conversation ends is just as important as how it begins. A common mistake is to end the discussion abruptly once a decision has been made. This can leave the other person feeling unheard. The goal of the closing is to ensure both parties feel that progress has been made and to leave the door open for continued dialogue.
You can signal the closing by saying:
- “I feel more settled about this now.”
- “I feel like we’re headed in a better direction.”
After sharing how you feel, the most crucial step is to turn it back to them and create space for their final thoughts.
Then ask:
“How does this feel to you?”
After asking this question, pause and listen actively. This moment of silence is powerful. It gives the other person a final opportunity to voice concerns or share their feelings. You have made space for them to have the last word and ensured they feel heard.